Thursday, February 22, 2007

Doughnuts for Dads, Daughters and Dachshunds

They had donuts for dads this morning at school... my daughter got upset and started crying last night saying "daddy hasn't come to anything since kindergarden" - I just let her cry while I held her and told her how much that I loved her hoping that it would ease her hurt a little bit (her dad moved 1,000 miles away four years ago). I told her that I was sure there were some dads who were out of town and couldn't be there and then other kids like her - but to be strong and she would have another special time with her dad.


Then we went to church and in kids and adult worship they had Aash Wednesday service. For me it was very reaffirming when the minister put the ashes on my forehead in the sign of the cross and said "In the name of Jesus Christ you are forgiven" - hearing those words I felt both a sense of spiritual and physical relief wash over me - and I was glad I had made the effort to go the service because the path I have had to take this past year has been both clear and confusing and I'm trying to just look ahead and not look back. When I picked her up from children's worship she had ashes on her forehead also and she was tickled that we both had them

So early this morning - I made a sign that said Doughnuts for Dachshunds - and our dachshund was cooperative and acted crazy - jumping on her owner and biting her toes to wake her up and running like a banshee under the bed and into the bathroom at breakneck speed (at least for a dachshund okay)...and wouldn't stop until she got a mini doughnut...and that chilled the crazy pooch out by the time we left for the day ... so I walked my daughter into school in the midst of all those fathers and said I was going to storm into the principal's office and ask why they couldn't have "Moonpies for Moms" and she loved that and held my hand and was swinging it. So we circumvented the doughnut event and I kept us busy with a classroom project I am assisting with for Read Across America and got her to help me with a tape measure - then we saw a classmate and his dad from the beach this summer and the dad took one look at her instantly caught on and was so wonderful to talk to her about their moonlit hunt for crabs on the beach at night and she was beaming. Internally, I said a silent thank you to the dad - it meant so much to me.


My mom is taking her to her favorite doughnut shop, The Donut Den, this afternoon for a special doughfilled treat.

However, tomorrow is another day - Doughnuts for Dads P - Z. For now I'm taking one moment at a time and hoping that in the morning a crazy dachshund will provide some more much needed licks, laughs and pleas for doughnuts.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

How Did My Life Get So Off Track?


Did I got too far?
I can never turn back.

Two moments in my life
That got off track.

Will I always regret
the loss of civility?

With two people that I loved
that hurt me deeply.

I lashed out in anger
tired of being hurt.

To prove myself
to state my self-worth.

What am I trying to prove?

I made my statement
loud and clear.

They had both discarded me
No longer held me dear.

Did I reach my unstated goal?

Did I pull even?

Did I change my role?

Did I achieve the direction
I was trying to gain?

If so, why do I still
feel so much confusion and pain.

I made my statement
now what do I do?

Retreat to my safe place
and lick my wounds?

I wonder...

Will I ever get past this?
Will I ever heal?

These two episodes in my life
ever fresh and surreal.

Am I standing up to another father
so he won't do the same thing to his little daughter?

Their rejection was my story,
my life's underlying theme.

Do I just want someone held accountable
to give rise to my self-esteem?