Writing's Power to Heal

Writing's power to heal lies not in pen and paper, but in the mind of the writer.

--APA

Sharing our stories can also be a means of healing. Grief and loss may isolate us, and anger may alienate us. Shared with others, these emotions can be powerfully uniting, as we see that we are not alone, and realize that others weep with us.

--Susan Wittig Albert


It's been a year since I started this blog. I started writing again so I could do something positive with all the emotions I had inside my mind. To try and figure them out so to speak. The address I haven't publicized, but rather shared with only a chosen few...putting posts out when the mood would strike me - not blogging for the sake of blogging but just using it when I needed to examine something and see where it was going - why I was thinking about it or rather trying to decipher some confusing feelings and dreams.

For a time I couldn't write - the words simply would not form for me like they used to - but time is a powerful thing and a year ago I was able to let the keyboard sing again. Like most, I worry about my writing and if I will be judged for what I put down on paper. However, this format enables me to let my thoughts go in an anonymous world and in doing so it has saved a part of me and gave part of me back to myself. Finally I can love the giver - myself.

My writing has allowed me to finally get mad at my ex-husband! It has allowed me to walk on a hiking trail I traveled on long ago. It has allowed me to remember and cherish a special person I love deeply and have lost touch with... It has allowed me to love my old self and build a new self. It has allowed me to define the new space I live in...realizing that it's a good space after all.

This weekend I dreamed I was riding on a train in a antique passenger car... I knew my fellow passengers but I didn't know them...We were all content to be headed in the direction we were going. After I opened my eyes and going throughout the day, I realized that these dream was telling me that my life is heading in the right direction. I had been off-track for a while, but now I'm back on the right course. It is the greatest feeling to realize this feeling of contentment.

What a difference a year has made for me - I'm enrolled in a Master's Program and yes, I have the confidence finally to hold my head up and be a Single Parent (after calling everyone and checking in with everyone else first - yes it's okay, okay). I have a healthy, terrific, smiling, singing, skipping daughter who loves me and my mom and sisters are absolutely fabulous. And my friends, my chosen family - the ones I call on via a rotation basis so too many crisises doesn't overwhelm just one - well, there's not adequate words to describe the roll they have played in helping me build back my live and my self-confidence. They love me for me. They are there for me for my tearful "have to go sit in the car and cry" lunches and are there to laugh and call to make sure I'm watching our favorite team in the NCAA Sweet Sixteen this year.

A month and a half ago life was finally able to break through and make me realize how blessed I am with the life I have re-built and since that day the peace that I have prayed for so long has been present.

So now without my thoughts being clouded by worry I can continue observing things in life that touch me and record them here - my very special healing space.

Home Improvement

I began tackling another room makeover project - with great intentions I selected paint colors and began shopping for new fabrics to redo my bedroom. With a Saturday free, I made the hasty decision to remove the wallpaper in the master bath and paint the bathroom first. I thought it should only take what an afternoon?

I peeled wallpaper for 10 hours over the past weekend. The wallpaper is winning - half of it is still up on the walls, my back is shot and my fingernails still have sticky paste lodged underneath. That's what I get for thinking I would tackle the easiest job first. My oversized master bedroom would be painted by now.

It's amazing the inner dialog you carry on with yourself as you spend that many hours in one of the most utilized rooms of your home. I listened to music. Sang old songs to myself. Thanked myself for thanking myself and talked to the putty knife and magic wallpaper scrapper more times than I care to admit.

Earlier in this online journal I reflected on a lot of self-discovery in Putting on the Primer where I worked on a similar wallpaper removal project in my kitchen. I finished that project that had two stubborn layers of wallpaper (they were much easier) so I know I can do this. I couldn't help but remember the self-reflection that came with that project. This one is no different. So much has happened on my personal journey since then...

While I stripped wallpaper of less than a half inch in length from the wall - I grew frustrated about how long it was taking me - I had given up my weekend for this?!? As I sprayed and sprayed the solution on the wall and scrapped and scrapped I related this act to how long it takes to peel back any layers and see what's underneath. And when you do peel back one layer - sometimes you are only scratching the surface.

Recently, I stumbled upon a peaceful place in my post-divorce life. Days have passed when I don't think about attorney's, court or even attorney's fees. The familiar feeling I have walked around with like air has been let out of a balloon has momentarily left me. Am I finally getting over this?

The spring air has brought me back to the night four years ago when I didn't sleep and knew that when I left my home the next morning it would tragically be my last night there in the home & life that I cherished and loved.

In my conversation with self - I have pondered why I took this route and didn't do the easiest room first. I certainly didn't follow the path of least resistance. Sometimes that's a hard road NOT to take. I tried that in my marriage and it backfired on me.

I have slowly and steadily worked to refortify the foundation that crumbled underneath me. I'm still building and reconstructing - that foundation that I'm now responsible for will remain a work in progress - because I have learned that nothing, not even the colors of the walls, stays the same.