Not Ready for Swimsuit Season

I was recently pushed into the deep end of the dating pool by a beloved friend long before I was ready for it. After I pulled myself back out of the cold water - I realized that it was both surprising and fun to be pushed in and not only that I found that it was actually quite refreshing... . That first experience over and behind me, however, has led me to decide that wading in slowly is much, much better. Is anytime ever a good time to start back? Probably not. Am I ever going to be ready to pushed into the pool?

I haven't done this in 15 years. And although I enjoyed my dating years when I was younger I don't know how to do this anymore. At this point in my life I always simply envisioned myself just being "mom" - my central and proudest role in life to date. Not "mom" going out on dates, giggling on the phone late at night, hoping to get an email in my inbox and daydreaming of where this could lead or even worse the terrible self-recrimination we put ourselves through and second guessing myself by secretly wishing I looked younger and was actually getting invited out on dates and should I be doing this at all?

Not dating at all just solved these afore mentioned problems because you don't have to deal with it - being a harmless flirt is so much more fun and less problematic.

So my first plunge - albeit shocking and exciting and a little letdown now that it is over before it really got started is behind me. I guess I'm kind of relieved.

I can still do this - the old chops are still there - however, it is not like riding a bike cliche - pick up where you left off ... and so I find myself feeling like an alien? Who is this person inside my skin? I don't know her. It feels "pizarre" as my little one would say. These feelings have lain dormant I now do not know what to do with them.

Some of the feelings feel the same, but some are different. I'm working out of a whole different SOP manual than I used to now that I'm a mom and it's throwing me off my dating game.

It's like standing in the dressing room trying on different swimsuits and hating looking in the mirror - you're looking for the right style that best fits your body shape, but after much self-analyzing you finally have to throw your hands up and say - I just need something suitable to swim in... . I guess dating is going to be like that now - be yourself, have fun and realize that nothing lasts forever, it's just swimsuit season - being thrown in the pool every now and then just simply swimming is not so bad.