I Have No One to Tell

I received two graded papers back yesterday from my summer masters course and I picked up the phone to call my sisters, my mom, my friends, but no one was home and to tell - "Hey, guess what I got an A" just seemed like I would be bragging. I realized on the drive home that I had no one to tell. No one really cared, but me anyway. A huge wave of loneliness hit me and knocked me down into the rough. There it was - I. Am. Alone. in the world with no partner to share my highs and lows. No one to share the events of the day with - to laugh about things or help shake things off.

It was a rough moment but I quickly got over it and thought - just sharing with myself should be good enough - am I doing this for these other people - no. Who then am I acheiving this for? Me and my daughter - so we both can have a brighter future. When I picked her up I told her my news. She said "That's good Mom" and that was it.

I briefly thought of another alone moment a few months back that I was proud of an alone moment that I thought would be tough but I got through just fine. Christmas Eve - putting the presents under the tree alone - when I finished and looked at the offering of gifts - I realized how hard it was the first time to do that by myself - this past Christmas I realized I was going to be okay and I am now - even if I have no one to tell of my triumphs or my disappointments in life. I'm going to be okay.

10 Chick Flick Movies I Love!

1. When Harry Met Sally - After watching this movie - I was gone! Sally was my hero - embarrassingly I even dressed like her and sported a similar hat for years to come and struggled not to be high maintenance when I thought I was low maintenance.

Fave quote-Harry Burns: I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

2. Valley Girl - This was a chick flick but I didn't know it yet. I had never seen anything like it - I was kind of into punk and had visited one of my best friends in California and saw real Valley Girls and Boys up, close and personal. "I'll Melt With You" by Modern English will forever take me back to fall of 1983 when I met Chris for the first time.

Fave quote - Fred Bailey: [introducing himself to Julie and Stacey] Hi, I'm Fred. I like tacos and '71 Cabernet. My favorite color is magenta.

3. Gone With the Wind - This movie strikes at the heart of every girl and what it means to be Southern and a Southern belle at that. And always the Cause. In hind site I see I have followed in Scarlett's path and pined for years for a man who will never be in my grasp again and I've got to wake up and let him go once and for all before I miss out on some other special person. I love this scene because Scarlett wants to dance so bad and throws care to the wind that she should be in mourning.

Fave quote-Scarlett: Great balls of fire. Don't bother me anymore, and don't call me sugar.

4. Out of Africa - This movie told the story of an independent and powerful woman in her own right who fell in love with a great adventurer who would never put his love for freedom above her. The scene where Denys washes Karen's hair took my breath away - it was a necessity but such an intimate gesture. Oh to be loved and touched like that.

Fave quote-Karen Blixen: He even took the gramophone on safari. Three rifles, supplies for a month, and Mozart.

5. Proof of Life - Your husband gets kidnapped in a foreign country and Russell Crowe comes to save him. OMG - Forever cemented the fact that - yes, I want to have Russell Crow's love child. Based on a true story that ran in Vanity Fair, this story is beautifully shot amidst lush scenery and combines a chick flick with a tough guy, shoot-em up story. It also marked the return of David Caruso in a role that brought him back from obscurity.
Fave quotes-Alice Bowman: Just tell me you know how much you mean to me. Dino: Downtown One, what the f*ck was that?


6. Serendipity - This is really a buddy film/chick flick - where two guys are doing the same crazy things that two girlfriends would do to track down a lost love. I was hooked the moment John Cusack pointed out the constellation in Kate Beckinsale's freckles. This movie almost inspired me to read Love in the Time of Cholera.

Fave quotes-Dean [Lying on the grass with Jonathan, outside Sara's house] Maybe we're lying here because you don't wanna be standing somewhere else.