I Have No One to Tell

I received two graded papers back yesterday from my summer masters course and I picked up the phone to call my sisters, my mom, my friends, but no one was home and to tell - "Hey, guess what I got an A" just seemed like I would be bragging. I realized on the drive home that I had no one to tell. No one really cared, but me anyway. A huge wave of loneliness hit me and knocked me down into the rough. There it was - I. Am. Alone. in the world with no partner to share my highs and lows. No one to share the events of the day with - to laugh about things or help shake things off.

It was a rough moment but I quickly got over it and thought - just sharing with myself should be good enough - am I doing this for these other people - no. Who then am I acheiving this for? Me and my daughter - so we both can have a brighter future. When I picked her up I told her my news. She said "That's good Mom" and that was it.

I briefly thought of another alone moment a few months back that I was proud of an alone moment that I thought would be tough but I got through just fine. Christmas Eve - putting the presents under the tree alone - when I finished and looked at the offering of gifts - I realized how hard it was the first time to do that by myself - this past Christmas I realized I was going to be okay and I am now - even if I have no one to tell of my triumphs or my disappointments in life. I'm going to be okay.