Happy Anniversary Baby, Got You on My M-ind!

Today would have been my 12th wedding anniversary. Am I sad? A little. But all it brings to mind is the effort I would have put into the day and afterthought given to it by him. Going into my 3rd year of being divorced I still grieve for the loss of this relationship - do I grieve over him? Hard to tell but maybe I grieve more over the fact that I failed in the relationship to make it great - that I couldn't do enough to make it successful. My failings are hard to bear. But instead of hide from the day, which I haven't mentioned to anyone, I'm trying to treat this like a normal day and move forward with my life.

I recently read something written by columnist Rabbi Marc Gellman in Newsweek as he wrote about the grief of his dog - I related also to to the loss of a beloved pet but could feel the depth of his words in my grief over my divorce:

"I tell people I counsel through their grief to try to give thanks for the pain they feel, because the pain is a measure of their love. Buddhists teach that the first Noble Truth is that suffering (dukkah) arises from our attachments to the beings of the world. Unlike Buddhists, I do not seek the removal of attachment (tanhakaya). I am happy to be a mess of tears now because I was, and my family was, loved by Miles unconditionally, and I savor this grief as the way the gift of unconditional love is painfully but properly repaid."

I do not regret my tears or my period of grief in regards to my marriage - in someway it honors my relationship with him. I'm glad to have loved him and have that extension of myself out there in the world. However, the pain that came from the relationship and the pain that has come from parting has been harder than grieving a death - maybe because it's like the death of a part of yourself?!? I want to grieve it, measure that love and put it in its proper perspective so I can move forward in my life in peace and never look back with regrets.