Safe Landings

On the day the unthinkable happened, I watched the news coverage in horror with the rest of the world. However, when I heard that two of planes that had crashed into the World Trade Center, the Pentagon & a field in Pennsylvania were American Airlines, I quietly panicked.

The first night I couldn't sleep. My eyes wouldn't close and I couldn't lie still. On September 12th, I desperately searched the internet and the newspapers and watched CNN for any reports that contained the names of the crew lists of either flight.

I had been walking around my house in a daze masking the near hysteria I felt. I told no one that I had been holding my breath that someone I deeply cared for was not behind the controls on either American Airlines plane.

On the 13th, I walked my dogs at midnight and I made countless deals with God in the dark via endless, quiet prayers for his safety, for his family's love and peace of mind and to please just let him be safe and grounded somewhere. Heat lightning towards the west freaked me out and I had a panic attack in the darkness with only my dogs to calm me down. I came back inside and watched CNN for hours until four in the morning.

The crew lists were published on the 14th and as relieved as I was not to read his name - glad that he was safe, I was also extremely disheartened to read the bios of the pilots who had been taken by surprise that day, because I could tell from what I read that they were good family oriented guys like him.

I wanted to write him a letter and let him know how thankful and relieved I was that he was safe , but I hoped that if I crossed his mind he would know that I felt that way. I didn't write the letter because I have always wanted to respect the boundaries of his marriage and not be intrusive in his life in any way.

Watching the coverage again five years later, I still find myself wondering where he was that morning. Was he on a flight that was unexpectedly brought to the ground? Was he preparing to leave home for a three day trip? Maybe he was off and on a lake somewhere doing what he loves to do best. I knew that he was safe and my panic was unfounded, but it came from a place of caring. How he was effected was my next concern.

It's been disappointing for me to see the profession he chose so radically changed by hurdle after hurdle, flight interrupted because of security breaches. I'm sure he have managed to pull good from this and apply it to what he is doing. Through those dark September days, a few people knew my fears and understood my concerns.

Those people remember when I put my hand in his without hesitation and stepped up in the cockpit of a few Cessna's and flew to the Lakefront Airport in New Orleans, Dothan, Callaway Gardens, BNA, BHM or landed next to the river at Downtown Island Home. I trusted him with my life - completely. Many years have passed, but when I think of flying I immediately associate it with him. Watching him take flight has been one of the greatest privileges in my life.

Every concourse I walk through - Baltimore, Chicago, San Francisco, Minneapolis, Orlando, Nashville, Dallas - I look for him, wondering if one of the guys in uniform carrying a flight bag and wearing the airline pilot cap will be him - hoping that if the guy turns around or if I catch up it will be him.

I know - that just happens in the movies. But in real life we just hope for safe landings.