A Final Step in Setting Myself Free

I just told a very close friend this morning that until she ends a floundering relationship that she will never be open to accepting a new one. She agreed, we said our goodbyes, I hung up and didn't think another thing of it.

As I trolled through my daily work of gathering and collecting news and announcements from med schools & centers across the country I came across the sweetest story: Two Dogs Spend 26 Days With Owner Who Died In The Wilderness and immediately thought of the person who I wanted to share it with.

So I took a deep breath, googled his email on the internet, put his address in the TO: box, wrote a brief note and clicked the Send button.

In sending it I discovered the biggest feeling of relief that washed over me. Why had I been afraid of sending an email to a terrific guy that I had shared so many wonderful moments and memories (of a special dog too!) with? We have both moved on with our lives - married other people, had the careers we planned on?? Was I afraid of being rejected again? I think so.

But I was able to send this before all that other stuff in the thought process got in the way. The words I told my close friend this morning came back to me albeit a tad differently. I haven't pined for this sweetheart since my divorce, while maybe I have, and I didn't unrealisticly think that he would come back and rescue me from my divorce distress but perhaps someone like him. Of course I wonder if I cross his mind? Isn't that normal?

Over the years, I've walked on many a beach and thrown countless but invisible good-bye messages in a bottle to this man, hoping to let that part of my heart go... . I have not been able to do so successfully.

But this morning, by clicking send - I confronted what I was afraid of with a friendly hi (after 15 years but who's counting?) and I'm gleefully discovering that I alone held the power to set myself FREE!!